Shadows Bestowed

I'm angry

For the doubt that you've caused
For the questions you've bred
For the emotions you've unleashed
I'm somber
Because now I see you differently
Because now I hear you differently
Because now I feel you differently
Feelings of betrayal have my soul in contempt
Until that fateful day
No wrong could ever tempt your name
Questions flowing zealously through my veins
At moments of weakness I take the blame
For being grounded in the past
Unable to look ahead to treasures untold
Instead I find myself dwelling in all there is to dwell
Passion that once thrived
Now dies with every moment spent in purgatory
Internally I beg for these feelings to disperse
So that love, yes, love may cast her shadow here again.

A Voyage of Its Kind...

Beating ceases in the wake of the storm...
Your arrival with lies...
All those I despise...
Your words are feckless...
Pulling me further from the direction...
My heart was approaching...
The flourishing sea...
All that was me...
All that is me...
Has left me...
You found your comfort in the time of another...
Blank is my mind at the thought of you...
Numb is my heart at the touch of you...
I'm lost when I'm around you...
When I used to be found...
No words to soothe my soul...
No time to mend the wounds...
My sun looms in the basking of dark clouds...
Your distortion of that night...
Fills me with dismay...
Leaving me with questions reminiscent of "should I stay?"...
Pondering the gravitational pull of this memory...
Leaves me weary of the future...
Making plans is at a stand...
My hands are tied behind my back...
As I slowly fall flat...
Too misguided to see clearly...
Familiarity is a clutch of the past...
Aloofness is my aid in this time of disarray...
The sanctity of this relationship has set sail...
A maiden voyage ill-fated in apprehension.

Faltering of Love

There comes a moment when dullness sets in...
Acceptance reverberates the inevitable...
It is what it is...
His words spoken thrust the shadows of pain...
To the core of my veins...
Nothing can erase the stains soiling my heart...
What was once sunny skies and romantic butterflies...
Is rough seas and disdain in the eyes...
Where can we go from here?
His words ripped through me...
Dangling on my vines...
No longer amazing...
Are the words I'm left with...
Bare is my heart...
Numbed by the fight.

Hiding Behind the White

If I told you I'd fallen...
Would you ask if I'm hurt?
Would you inquire as to my injuries?
Would you ask how I fell?
Or, like everything else I've said,
Would you forget...
Because your thoughts are clouded...
With stories from other women...
Making it difficult to sort out..
Which thoughts belong to ME?
Those precious thoughts...
Words I spoke...
Breaths I took...
Energy I gifted...
To share a part of me...
To be lost amongst them...
Thank you for putting me on a shelf...
Filled with trophies of other women.
Thank you for keeping up the charades...
Long enough to capture my heart...
Move into my soul...
And stake claim to my being...
Where the only thing I feel now is white...
Bare of emotions...
Exposed to the elements...
Of pain...
Of remorse...
Of longing...
Longing to feel me again.

Melancholy State of Mind

Truths revealed leave me weak...
Unveiling of the heart...
Roads collapsed...
Journey no longer mapped...
Now all is trapped...
Obstructed by deceit...
You had me at your feet...
Slowly I rise...
Aware of your disguise...
Lies tumbling out whisper hints of truth...
Truth of your character...
Finds me in a melancholy state of mind.

To Know is to be Lost...

In the calm of the storm...
I'm at ease...
Disaster strikes outside...
While turmoil bounds inside...
Actions hastened by the dust settling...
For certain another blow is culminating...
I'm awakened by the glow...
Of lies...
Of fears...
Of all those years of tears...
Nothing sets me free...
I'm captive and too hostile to flee...
Will I be...

Alone in this misery?
Where is all my company?
That's right...
Lost in all its glory...
But I remain to tell the story...
I am forever lost in the translation of misguided love...
Who's reverie is smug...
More like my drug.

Hiding Behind Expectations

If I wrote you a love letter...

Would you read it and ponder?
Or would you read it and wander?
Expressions of the heart...
Scribbled on a white glove...
Engraved thoughts...
Worthy of nimble responses...
Receiving mild interjections of worldly expressions...
My heart the only reflection...
Shattered with 7 years bad luck...
My only regret...
Is giving myself...
Wholeheartedly...
Care-freely...
Unexpectedly...
Reciprocation ceased...
Terms up, the end of my lease...
Now I have my answer...
If I wrote you a love letter...
The kind filled with honesty, fairy tales, and avidity...
Candy-coated lyrics laced with the nectar of honey...
You'd read it and wander...
Leaving me in a melancholy state...
Dangling from my blunder...
Of wanting more from your heart...
Giving less of my soul...
So, if I wrote you a love letter...
Would you read it and wander?
Leaving my heart to saunter...
Behind the gates of expectations...
A love only to be satisfied by fate's conjecture.